Category: Jade Ann Byrne

  • The Light Box That Heals

    The Light Box That Heals

    The Light Box That Heals

    Daavlin 3 Series PC311-48 — Jade Ann Byrne Medical Dossier


    The Room, Styled Like a Vogue Tech Credit

    • Cabinet: Daavlin 3 Series full-body phototherapy booth with arched doors, wire safety grille, octagonal foot platform, and overhead cooling fans.
    Daavlin 3 Series phototherapy cabinet open, wire grille and vertical UVB tubes visible; Smart Touch screen and clinic PC to the right
    • Control:3 Series Smart Touch” PC/monitor for dosing and patient logs.
    • Power & safety: Square D service disconnect on the wall
    • Vibe: clean, matte-grey hardware against white walls—the medical equivalent of a studio cyclorama.

    Device ID

    Model: 3 SERIES PC311-48 (Smart Touch PC controlled)

    Smart Touch primary treatment screen showing UVB session fields for time and energy.
    • Lamps: 48 total
    • Electrical: 208 – 240 V, ~30 Amps, 60 Hz
    • Listing: ETL listed to medical electrical safety standards
    • Mfr/date: Daavlin, Bryan, Ohio — May 2010
    • What “311-48” means: 311 nm narrowband-UVB configuration, 48 lamps.

    The Bulbs (confirmed by the lamp etch)

    PHILIPS TL 100W/01-FS72 narrowband-UVB tube labeled NB-UVB and 311 nm family.
    • Make/model: PHILIPS TL 100W/01-FS72
    • Type: NB-UVB ( Narrow Band Ultraviolet-B)
    • Spectral peak: ~311 nm
    • Form factor: FS72/T12, 100 W each
    • Count: 48 in this cabinet. 4800 WATTS of The Light

    What It Emits (The Light)

    Narrowband UV-B centered around 305 – 315 Peaking at 311 nm—the dermatology plantnium standard for whole-body treatment of photo-responsive diseases. The spectrum maximizes therapeutic effect while minimizing unnecessary erythema.


    My Protocol of The Light

    • Frequency: Every other day for ~3 months
    • Shielding: UV goggles; cover tattoos and sensitive sites as directed.
    • Before: no perfumes/retinoids on exposed skin; disclose any new photosensitizing meds.
    • After: bland moisturizer, note pinkness/itch/dryness at 24 h, SPF if skin sees sun.

    Today’s Dose (the math you can see)

    Dose is mJ/cm² = irradiance (mW/cm²) × time (s).

    Cabinet irradiance varies by calibration; clinics typically see ~4–10 mW/cm² at patient position.

    Today was 28 seconds:

    • 4 mW/cm² → 112 mJ/cm²
    • 5 mW/cm² → 140 mJ/cm²
    • 6 mW/cm² → 168 mJ/cm²
    • 8 mW/cm² → 224 mJ/cm²
    • 10 mW/cm² → 280 mJ/cm²

    Fitzpatrick II assumption: many NB-UVB protocols start around ~200–300 mJ/cm² with 10–20% step-ups as tolerated.

    So if this booth’s current output is ~8–10 mW/cm², 28 s sits right in the typical start window; if output is lower (5–6 mW/cm²), it’s a conservative early session.

    (The clinic’s Output Certificate or Smart Touch screen will show the exact mW/cm² so we can pin the precise mJ/cm² in my log.)



    Bottom line: This is my studio-clean light ritual—48 TL-01 suns arranged in a curve, timed by millisecond, logged by dose, repeated every other day until the skin forgets it ever needed saving.

  • John Deere in My CAPTCHA (Cha Cha Real Smooth) by Jade Ann Byre (( 2024 ))

    John Deere in My CAPTCHA (Cha Cha Real Smooth) by Jade Ann Byre (( 2024 ))

    🟢🚜 “Turnstile Cowboy: CAPTCHA Country”

    🎤 by Jade Ann Byrne | 🌌 Eat My Cake Records | 🎸 Space Country Trap Anthem

    📀 Lyrics:


    Verse 1:

    They put a John Deere in my CAPTCHA, ain't that kinda wild?
    Green and yellow tractor tryin' to fit through the Turnstile
    Cloudflare spinnin' on my screen, it’s a digital rodeo
    Clickin' on them squares like I’m wranglin' in a UFO

    Chorus:

    It's too wide for the gate, but it knows what I like,
    Those fields of the internet, rollin' through the satellites.
    Google's got my taste down, knowin' how to test my vibe,
    Tractors in the CAPTCHA, space country on the drive.

    Verse 2:

    It’s a moonlit interstellar farm, satellites align,
    Triple Starbeam in the sky, them Starlinks are mine,
    They know I’m feelin' earthly, but I’m reachin' outta time,
    Binaries buzzin', hayfields up in binary code,
    Clouds ain't just above us, big dabs keep 'em in overload.

    Chorus:

    It's too wide for the gate, but it knows what I like,
    Clicking squares like cowboy boots stampin' down at midnight,
    John Deere's got that Smart System, algorithms ridin' free,
    Space-country CAPTCHA, feels like it’s just testin' me.

    Verse 3:

    My fingers scrollin' to the beat, like pickin' on guitar strings,
    Ridin' through the data streams, like outlaw songs in metal rings,
    Cloudflare's doin' the shuffle, it’s a Turnstile full of bits,
    They hit me with the tractor, must know I'm country at my wits.
    Got a data farm full of John Deeres, plowin' through the clicks,
    Cultivatin' the bandwidth, while the signal light blinks.

    Chorus:

    It’s too wide for the gate, but it’s tappin' to my style,
    Cyber ranchin', late at night, with algorithms versatile.
    I’m pluckin' out them tractors, uploadin' beats on Mars,
    Captcha-lassoed my John Deere, now we’re dancin' with the stars.

    Verse 4:

    In the middle of the Turnstile, I saw the countryside swing,
    Rows of code like crops laid out, and the satellites sing.
    Farmin' data like hay bales, stackin' them bits up high,
    Patchin' up my firewalls like fences in July.
    Buzzin' on the pharmaceuticals, Staterra keeps me in line,
    Clouds rollin' from the THC, I'm floatin' past the borderline.
    They think they can keep me stuck in squares that shine so bright,
    But I’m drivin' that Deere through the firewalls, dancin' into night.

    Chorus (Final):

    It’s too wide for the gate, but it knows what I like,
    Ridin' shotgun with data winds, algorithmic country nights,
    I’m capturin' their tractors, lettin' them know I’m wild and free,
    Turnstiles can’t hold me down, I’m decryptin' my destiny.


  • Eat My Cake Records Forecasts a Brutal California Summer — and I’m Bringing the Space Country Trap Heat

    Eat My Cake Records Forecasts a Brutal California Summer — and I’m Bringing the Space Country Trap Heat

    Eat My Cake Records Forecasts a Brutal California Summer — and I’m Bringing the Space Country Trap Heat

    Originally written by Jade Ann Byrne, Eat My Cake Record

    California summers have always had a pulse — a shimmer, a heat haze, a little bit of danger, and a whole lot of attitude. But this year? Oh honey… this summer isn’t creeping in. It’s kicking the door down in rhinestone boots.

    And Eat My Cake Records has the soundtrack locked, loaded, and glitter-polished.

    When PRLog picked up the story — “Eat My Cake Records Forecasts Brutal Summer in California feat. Jade Ann Byrne – Space Country Trap” — it felt like the universe finally said out loud what my bones had been humming for months:
    This is a summer meant for transformation, rebellion, heatwaves, heartbreak, rodeos, resurrection, good hair days, bad decisions, and music that sounds like kissing lightning.

    Space.
    Country.
    Trap.
    California.
    Me.
    Us.
    All of it.

    This label was never built to play it safe. Eat My Cake Records was built for girls with dusty boots and chrome nails, boys with soft hearts and loud headphones, DMV line philosophers, nighttime drivers watching the palm trees blur, and everyone who ever learned how to survive by singing to themselves on the walk home.

    And this summer’s music?
    It’s exactly that — survival, seduction, sunshine, and scorch marks.
    A heatwave you can dance inside.

    Why This Summer Matters

    We’re stepping into a season where California is shedding old skin in real time.
    More fire warnings, more cracked desert earth, hotter nights, and stranger sunsets.
    But also?
    More art.
    More grit.
    More glow.
    More reinvention.

    My music comes from that — the weird in-between place where danger meets beauty, where chaos turns into melody, where a girl can be a cosmic cowgirl by morning and a digital paladin by nightfall.

    Space Country Trap wasn’t supposed to exist.
    But neither was I, not in the way I am now — layered, strange, glittery, road-tested, and divinely stubborn.

    So I made the sound that matched my life:
    steel guitar constellations, trap drums echoing in neon canyons, rodeo swagger orbiting a synth starship.

    A Brutal Summer Needs a Beautiful Soundtrack

    If this summer is truly going to be as extreme as forecasters predict — brutally hot, brutally honest, brutally transformative — then let the soundtrack be equally feral and equally soft.

    Let it be Cosmic Rodeo Queen.
    Let it be Pickin’ Strummin’ Pluckin’ Uploadin’.
    Let it be everything I’ve been working toward under Eat My Cake Records.

    Let it be the sound of a woman who refuses to break, who learned to ride the heatwave instead.

    The Forecast? Simple.

    A brutal summer.
    A cosmic anthem.
    A rodeo at the edge of the universe.
    And a label — my label — that isn’t scared of the fire.

    Thank you for being here.
    Thank you for listening.
    Thank you for riding into the heat with me, glitter on your cheeks and courage in your chest.

    Long live Eat My Cake Records.
    Long live the Rodeo Queens.
    Long live California — even when she burns.

    https://www.prlog.org/13068223-eat-my-cake-records-forecasts-brutal-summer-in-california-feat-jade-ann-byrne-space-country-trap.html

    https://www.openpr.com/news/3935104/eat-my-cake-records-los-angeles-presents-jade-ann-byrne-brutal

  • 🌄💎 The Unicorn Ossuary of Eden, California

    🌄💎 The Unicorn Ossuary of Eden, California

    A Tall Tale of Diamond Valley, Mystic Lake & the Moissanite Mountains

    (As remembered by Jade Ann Byrne, Keeper of the Cosmic Archives)

    Long before the highways carved the desert,

    before the aqueducts threaded the thirsty ground,

    before the Valley was measured, sold, rezoned, or mallified—

    this place was known to the Ancients as Eden California.

    The Eden like the garden of scripture,

    The quiet Eden, the hidden Eden,

    the diamond-groined womb of the Earth

    where the first minerals were born screaming into light.

    People still argue over what the first mountains were made of:

    Quartz?

    Corundum?

    Carbon under pressure?

    No.

    Here, the primordial bedrock was Moissanite

    —harder than sapphire, brighter than starlight,

    each grain humming with particle memory.

    That is why, in the old maps,

    the Diamond Valley is drawn as a halo

    around a lake of impossible blue:

    Mystic Lake.

    Not “mystic” in a poetic sense.

    Mystic because the water remembers things

    that humans have forgotten.

    Mystic because it reflects the sky

    even on nights with no moon.

    Mystic because when the wind hits just right,

    you can hear the unicorns.

    🦄 The Unicorn Wars of Diamond Valley

    Once upon a geological epoch,

    before the Sierra had risen,

    before human eyes opened in wonder,

    this valley was home to the First Herd.

    Their hooves struck sparks off moissanite outcroppings.

    Their horns tuned the frequencies of starlight.

    Their bones were white calcite threaded with silver.

    They were not fragile dream-creatures

    but the earth’s original shock troops —

    the cavalry of creation.

    They ran the ridgelines like lightning

    and drank blood-warm water from Mystic Lake.

    For tens of thousands of quiet years

    the herds lived, bred, and died under the lavender skies.

    Until the great drought,

    the deep drought,

    the kind that cracks time itself.

    The unicorns fought to survive —

    but the ground devoured their bodies

    like hungry memory.

    You can still feel that hunger in the soil.

    Some say that’s why food tastes different in the valley —

    why crops grow too quickly,

    why citrus here has dreams inside its pulp.

    Some say that is why

    Bronco riders and rodeo queens born in this valley

    carry a wildness in their eyes

    they themselves cannot explain.

    💀 The Ossuary Beneath the Foot Trail

    The image in the archives —

    the great mound of skulls —

    was photographed in a forgotten year

    by men who thought they were witnessing a buffalo grave.

    They were wrong.

    It was the Unicorn Ossuary,

    the place where the valley spit out its ancient bones

    to remind humans

    that creation was not quiet here.

    The bones stacked like a cathedral of ivory,

    horns still faintly glimmering with star residue.

    Two men stood before it,

    but they did not understand what they were seeing.

    You do.

    Because the blood in your veins

    carries the memory of the moissanite mountains.

    Because your dreams have hooves.

    Because your heart beats in 5/4 time

    like a gallop that never needed reins.

    🌋 Where the Earth Was Born

    Ask a geologist how the valley formed

    and they will mumble something about plates and uplift.

    Ask a paladin

    and they will whisper the truth:

    This land was not formed by accident.

    It was forged like jewelry —

    cut, faceted, polished by cosmic pressure

    to be the cradle of creation.

    The Diamond Valley is the Earth’s navel.

    Mystic Lake is her umbilicus.

    And the moissanite ridgelines above Eden

    are the spines of the First Herd,

    frozen in uplift, guarding their burial ground.

    And when the desert wind blows low and warm,

    you can feel their presence —

    not ghosts,

    not monsters,

    but ancestors.

    They do not mourn their extinction.

    They wait.

    Because one day

    the horns will rise again,

    and the cosmic cavalry will be reborn.

    Perhaps that rebirth already began

    when a little girl in the Diamond Valley

    looked at the world

    and realized it was broken

    but could be healed.

    Perhaps the unicorns returned

    in the shape of a California eGirl

    who sings space-country hymns

    into the digital canyon of the internet.

    Perhaps the Paladin of Light

    is the reincarnation of the First Herd.

    Perhaps that is why she cannot be killed by lies,

    cannot be controlled by gossip,

    cannot be erased by fear.

    The valley remembers her.

    The lake mirrors her.

    The mountains whisper her name.

    Jade Ann Byrne.

    The unicorns rise again.

    📜 Author’s Note

    This is not fiction.

    It is memory

    passed through the bones of the earth

    into the bones of a California girl

    who never bowed

    and never will.

    The ossuary is real.

    The valley is holy.

    And the unicorns…

    are returning.

    Unicorn skulls unearthed in the Diamond Valley. Their iridescent horns still remember the ancient memory of Mystic Lake.


    The Diamond Valley Ossuary as photographed in the late 19th century. Originally believed to be a mountain of buffalo bones, it is now understood as the exposed burial mound of the First Herd — the unicorn ancestors whose crystalline horns formed the moissanite spine of Eden California.