Today I got the kind of notification that makes a girl stop mid-scroll, blink twice, and whisper “no way” into the cosmos.
Cosmic Rodeo Queen (Juno’s Version) just crossed 5,000 plays in the U.S. on Apple Music — and baby, for an indie California eGirl with a cosmic cowgirl heart and a Wyoming zip code, that feels like striking glitter oil in the desert.
When I recorded this song, I didn’t know if anyone would understand it.
Space Country Trap wasn’t a genre. Hell, I made it up because it was the only sound that matched my life equal parts heartbreak, neon twilight, dusty roads, digital stardust, physics, faith, rodeo energy, eGirl packaging, and California wildness.
And now it’s out there. And you — YES YOU — played it five thousand times.
Five. Thousand. 5K real ears. 5K tiny universes where this song lived for three minutes and some change. 5K reminders that this dream of mine actually has wings (and spurs).
I know I’m supposed to act all cool and mysterious and industry-brained but babe… I’m not built like that. I’m built like a girl who spent half her life fighting to be heard and the other half trying to stay alive long enough to sing about it.
So tonight, I’m just grateful. Grateful and loud.
To everyone who streamed it in their car, in their headphones, at work, in bed, during a cry, during a glow-up, on a treadmill, while gaming, while cooking, while daydreaming — thank you.
To my tiny team (me + DJ Wet CupCake + my multiverse of Paladins) — thank you.
To California for birthing this heatwave of a sound. To Wyoming for giving me the quiet to write it. To the universe for letting me live long enough to be a Cosmic Rodeo Queen in the first place.
1. The thing he doesn’t understand: addressable audience
He hit me with “there are 8.2 billion people!!” like that number has anything to do with who’s actually in the Battlefield / CoD pool.
Step 1 – Humans on Earth
Best current estimates put the world population at about 8.2 billion people in 2024–2025.
Cool. That’s literally all humans – babies, elders, people without electricity, people who’ve never seen a controller in their life.
Step 2 – People who can even be online
At the start of 2025, roughly five and a half billion people use the internet, around two-thirds of humanity. That still leaves around 2.6 billion people offline.
So right away:
8.2B humans → ~5.6B with internet → 2.6B people who literally cannot queue into a Battlefield or CoD lobby.
His “everyone on Earth” logic dies before you even open Steam.
2. How many people actually play video games in 2025?
Industry reports converge on about 3.3 billion active gamers worldwide in 2024–2025 – roughly 40% of the human race.
So:
~8.2B humans ~5.6B internet users ~3.3B people who play any kind of game, including: Mobile match-3 Word games Sports, racing, farming, gacha, rhythm, cozy games, etc.
Already, more than half of humanity is out. My original point – that the “hardcore FPS bros” are a tiny minority – is directionally correct.
3. Zooming in: shooters ≠ “all gamers”
The global games market pulled in somewhere around $180+ billion in 2024, with mobile as the biggest slice and PC/console sharing the rest.
Within that:
Shooter games are one genre, not the whole pie. On PC, shooters account for something like low-teens percent of PC gaming revenue – a top segment, but still just a segment. Separate analyses peg the global shooter-games market in the tens of billions per year—substantial, but still only a subset of all games.
Even if we’re extremely generous and pretend shooter revenue maps cleanly to shooter players (it doesn’t), we’re still talking about a fraction of that ~3.3B gamer pool.
A reasonable back-of-the-napkin:
If ~14–20% of gamer spending goes to shooters, then maybe something like 10–20% of gamers are “shooter regulars” (because people play multiple genres). That would be on the order of 300–600 million people maximum in the global “likes FPS” bucket.
Compare that to his “8.2 billion” flex. He’s off by at least one order of magnitude, probably two.
4. Battlefield 6 / CoD numbers in context
Now the fun part: the actual scale of these games compared to the planet.
Battlefield 6
Recent coverage of Battlefield 6’s launch puts:
The open beta peak on Steam somewhere in the hundreds of thousands of concurrent players (around the half-million mark). The official launch peak on Steam at around three-quarters of a million concurrents, one of EA’s biggest PC launches ever.
Now set that next to 3.3 billion gamers worldwide:
Those big Steam peaks represent on the order of 0.01–0.02% of all gamers at one time.
As a share of all humans (8.2B), you’re talking about less than one hundredth of one percent of the species.
My “same half a million people bouncing between games” description is not just snark – it’s eerily close to how these launches actually look in the wild.
Call of Duty for comparison
Call of Duty lives across Battle.net, consoles, Game Pass, Steam, etc., but PC tracking frequently shows concurrent counts in the mid-hundreds of thousands on big days—same ballpark as Battlefield 6’s biggest moments.
So in practice:
We’re talking about the same rough few-hundred-thousand to low-millions of very engaged FPS people cycling through CoD, Battlefield, and whatever else launches that quarter, plus tourists and weekend warriors.
On a planet of 8.2B humans and 3.3B gamers… that shooter pond is tiny.
5. Why his argument is statistically trash
Here’s the logic problem in meme-friendly form.
1. He’s using the wrong denominator.
He quotes the entire human population (8.2B) like every person:
Owns gaming hardware Has stable internet Has disposable income for $70 AAA titles Actually wants to play online FPS games
That’s like saying, “There are 8.2B humans, therefore every band can sell 8.2B concert tickets.” The number is big; the logic is small.
2. He ignores the digital divide.
Roughly 2.6 billion people remain offline.
Those folks are not on Reddit arguing about Battlefield vs. CoD. They’re dealing with real-world things like infrastructure, food, water, and basic connectivity. Treating them as hypothetical Battlefield players is both disrespectful and mathematically absurd.
3. He conflates “plays any game” with “plays online FPS.”
We’ve already seen:
About 3.3B people play games at all. Mobile is the dominant platform worldwide. Shooters are one large but limited genre, not the whole medium, and they’re a minority slice of revenue.
Treating “people who raid in MMOs, farm in Stardew, or play Genshin on their phone” as the same as “people grinding ranked in Battlefield” is just lazy categorization.
4. He ignores how small even massive games look at planetary scale.
Battlefield 6 smashing hundreds of thousands of concurrent players on Steam is a huge win for EA and for the franchise. Nobody’s denying that.
But zoom out:
It’s a rounding error of humanity. It’s a tiny fraction of the global gamer base.
It’s a very loud, very passionate micro-subculture—not the entire human experience.
In other words:
He’s not “doing statistics.”
He’s doing numerology with big numbers because they look impressive in a comment box.
6. What I could of should have would have replied if I was super smart.
You’re confusing “all humans alive” with “people who are actually in the Battlefield/CoD pond,” which is exactly why I told you to take a stats class.
Quick reality check:
– The world has ~8.2 billion people.
– Only about 5.6 billion even use the internet; around 2.6 billion people are offline.
– Of those online, about 3.3 billion play any kind of video game – including mobile puzzle games and Candy Crush.
– The shooter genre is just one slice of that market, maybe a low-teens percentage of PC revenue and a fraction of overall game spending.
When Battlefield 6 blew up, Steam peaks were in the mid-hundreds of thousands to around three-quarters of a million concurrent players. Relative to the ~3.3B gamers on Earth, that’s roughly 0.01–0.02% of global players online at once – and less than 0.01% of total humans.
So yes: in practice, we’re talking about the same tiny hardcore shooter crowd of a few hundred thousand to maybe low-millions bouncing between CoD, Battlefield, and whatever else drops this quarter. Calling that “the same half-million people” is actually closer to reality than pretending all 8.2 billion humans are lining up to argue about TTK in a Battlefield 6 Facebook Page.
If you want to argue about scale, use the right denominator. Otherwise you’re just doing numerology with big numbers because they look impressive.
Closing thoughts from The ((Mercy Main btw;) eGirl with a calculator
Video games are huge.
The industry is massive.
But scale has structure:
World population People with internet People who game People who play shooters People who are active in this specific FPS right now
Once you respect that ladder, it becomes obvious that our beloved shooter communities are more like small towns than entire countries.
So the next time someone waves the full human population in your face to “win” an argument about Battlefield vs. CoD, feel free to remind them:
“Normie, there might be 8.2 billion people on Earth, but only about half a million of us are in this lobby getting spawn-camped with you.”
With All My Love
Jade Ann Byrne (( Seasons 1 Battle mercy, Father to Juno, and all the best operators in call of duty black ops six ;))
Post Script
This you’re hot shit? Have a lot of strong opinions? Have the courage to tell the developers what you really think?
I get $25 if your ass lands in a seat ((digital or physical in person focus group))
You make $250 -$XXXX depending on the project. No fakers. No posers. Just Share your real feelings to the questions. Be the voice of change in triple A titles. Casual to Hardcore gamers all encouraged to apply. All skill levels and experiences. Including idiots.
A Masterful Handy FactoTum Post by Jade Ann Byrne**
There’s a moment — right before a tool touches material — when the whole world holds its breath. Even the dust motes hang suspended like they’re waiting to see if I’m about to resurrect something… or tear it down to build it better.
I’ve lived a hundred lives, but this is the one where my hands do the talking.
Where the calluses and the certificates and the scars write their own gospel.
Where the universe throws me a problem — a rotten fascia board, a snarled irrigation manifold, a fire-damaged water heater closet, a 1912 German brick farmhouse, or a 2026 smart-home geothermal monstrosity — and I answer with a wink, a socket set, and the kind of confidence you only get from surviving every wild jobsite between the Great Lakes and Southern California.
I’m Jade Ann Byrne.
And this is FactoTum — the workshop where I stitch together everything I am.
🔧 Why I Built FactoTum
Because I’m not a “handyman.” I’m the handy multiverse.
I am the woman who:
grew up tightening baler belts in a thunderstorm,
took apart irrigation clocks before most kids even had their first AOL login,
rebuilt my first Briggs & Stratton before I figured out eyeliner,
and now wrangles smart-home systems, fiber runs, drip irrigation analog art, and building envelopes with the same grace I bring to a cathedral-style French braid.
I’m a contractor. A water operator. A CAM problem-solver. A disaster responder. A fixer of things that don’t want to be fixed.
And I built FactoTum because,somebody had to tell the truth:
Maintenance is art. Repair is storytelling. Infrastructure is love.
🪚 What You’ll Find in This Blog
This little corner of the internet is where I’ll show you the world through a contractor’s eyes — but in my voice, with my valley-girl-meets-Midwest-farm-witch flavor.
Expect:
✨ Jobsite stories
🪛 Before-and-after miracles
🌲 Tree fights I barely survived
🧰 Tools worth your paycheck
🚧 Commercial CAM knowledge people gatekeep
💦 Irrigation wisdom your landscaper doesn’t want you to know
🔥 Fire, flood, rats, roots, roofs, heartbreak, and triumph
🌌 Multiverse mechanic metaphors, because I can’t help myself
This is not Pinterest. This is not “how to hang a floating shelf without crying.”
This is me, Jade Ann Byrne — masterful, maximalist, mythic, mechanical, and unbothered — doing the work that keeps cities breathing and buildings standing.
🛠️ Today’s First Lesson: Motion Is Proof of Life
Every tool I own — from my Stihl chainsaw to my Bernzomatic torch to my Milwaukee impact — is covered in little silver freckles of use. Tiny galaxies. Solar systems of grit.
Because progress isn’t clean. It isn’t curated. It isn’t aesthetic.
It’s:
the grind,
the push,
the sweat,
the stubbornness,
the lavender oil on your wrists,
the way you tell a pipe fitting “you’re going to behave now,”
the buzz of a Honda GX engine threatening you and flirting with you at the same time.
Every single thing here is built on motion —and I’m the girl who doesn’t quit.
💜 Why It Matters
Because somewhere there’s a woman thinking she needs permission to pick up a drill. Because someone believes their broken thing is too broken. Because someone is afraid of the weight of responsibility.
Let me be the one who tells you:
You don’t need permission. Nothing is too broken. And responsibility is holy work.
FactoTum is a promise:
If I can do it — in boots, in lashes, with purple streaks in my hair and a whole multiverse to carry — so can you.
🌀 Until Next Time
This is Jade Ann Byrne, Masterful Handy FactoTum, signing off from the Diamond Valley workshop — where the sawdust has the audacity to sparkle.
Jade Ann Byrne Presents: Unicorn Juice — Investor Sizzle Reel (SoCal → Global)
Excerpt: Two flavors, two markets, one creator engine. Watch the vertical + horizontal cuts, then see how we place Unicorn Juice in c-stores, fairs, cons, bodegas, truck stops, and adult boutiques—turnkey and scalable.
Crack • Sip • Sparkle — Built in Southern California
Unicorn Juice is a creator-born beverage brand designed for high-traffic placements and short-form media. Two launch flavors anchor two lanes of content:
Pastel Fruit Fusion — tastes like “Pure Magic” ✨ (vertical, live action)
Watch
Pastel Fruit Fusion — “Pure Magic” (Vertical)
Crisp Berry Blend — “Midnight Neon” (Horizontal)
NEW: French Lavender (Provence Bloom) — tastes like moonlit Provence ✨💜 (portrait content + lifestyle stills) Calm-focus florals with a bright citrus snap. The vibe is serene, the energy is real.
Turnkey Placement Plan (SoCal → Multi-region)
C-Stores & Truck Stops: 16oz single cans; eye-level or energy door. Clip-strips for impulse, QR for “first sip” reactions.
Bodegas: Counter mini-fridge + shelf wobblers; bundle with snacks; creator shoutouts per location.
County Fairs & Conventions: Pop-up sampling carts, neon booth kit, wireless mic hype, tap-to-follow links.
Adult Boutiques: After-hours counter displays with discreet pink neon; bundle as a “late-night kit.”
Product & Formulation Notes
Sweetener: erythritol-forward, clean finish.
Energy system: high B-complex.
Format: 16oz standard
Origin & MFG: Southern California; private-label capable partners in Corona, CA.
Why This Works (Pitch Sizzle)
SoCal Provenance: Authentic creator culture with real community traffic.
Media Engine Built-In: Native vertical + horizontal content drives measurable footfall and DTC velocity.
Modular IP: Flavors map to personas & moments (⚡ Midnight Neon / ✨ Pure Magic) for seasonal spins.
Placement Versatility: One brand voice, many cash registers—from c-stores to cons to adult retail.
Deal Terms — “You buy dollars for fifty cents.”
Turnkey investment structure for inventory + activation capital with performance-gated milestones, revenue share, and secured collateral on finished goods. Wholesale commitments convert to preferred pricing tiers and territory options.
What You Get Day One
Retail sell sheet, shelf talkers, QR “first-sip” loop, and POS kit.
Creator ad pack (15s/30s/60s: vertical + horizontal) and weekly clip features.
Sampling program + pop-up kit; location shoutouts and geo-targeted posts.
Not the bootleg, not the clone, not the decade-late cosplay of my life’s work—this is the real Jade Ann Byrne, broadcasting in real time from a thousand lifetimes of service industry shifts, late-night LANs, busted knuckles, bareback broncs, and neon-lit loading screens.
This channel is my control room, my church basement, my truck stop diner at 3AM, my backstage pass, my crisis command tent, my digital rodeo arena. Expect gameplay, chaos, counseling, giggles, tech support, lore drops, union energy, working-class glamour, and the occasional holy intervention when your settings—or your situationship—are cursed.
No AI stand-in. No rented personality. Just me. If you know, you know.
Open it. Bookmark it. Tab it next to your emails and your bills. When you need a paladin, a feral big sister, a hypewoman, or a calm voice at 2:17 AM—you’ll know where to click.
Every story has a foundation. Ours begins with the bricks.
Out on Snow Hill, where the wind writes its own engineering reports and the frost tests every seam, the Ringle bricks hold their line. Made more than a century ago, fired hard against the Wisconsin cold, they weren’t built for beauty — they were built for survival. But endurance has its own kind of elegance.
Each brick carries the memory of hands, heat, and grit. Together, they form the shell of a farmhouse that still stands — a rural lab where we test the ethics and durability of future habitats. If it can hold through a Midwestern winter, it can hold through a Martian night.
We call it brick-to-stars engineering: taking what was proven here on Earth and carrying that wisdom into new worlds. These Ringle bricks remind us that progress doesn’t start with shiny composites or orbital blueprints — it starts with the stubborn insistence to build something that lasts.
Under snow, under stress, under silence — they remain.
Red Brick Farm House Co 🧱➡️🛰️ Rural-forged research & tech. If it survives Snow Hill, it survives Mars. Brick by brick. Planet by planet.
Cosmic Rodeo Chronicles: Introducing Eat My Cake Records, Jade Ann Byrne & DJ Wet Cup Cake
Los Angeles sunsets don’t just fall — they melt.
Out past Beverly Hills, past the neon carwashes and desert billboards, past the checkpoint lights and spinning rotors of StarNine, there’s a corridor of sky where the California sound refuses to sit still. That’s where Eat My Cake Records lives.
I built this label for that exact strip of atmosphere — where Bakersfield twang crashes into 808s, where Palm Springs mirages hum like synths, where Diamond Valley water reflects UFO pink, and where an eGirl dairy farmer from a tiny town gets to be a cosmic headliner instead of a ghost in someone else’s credits.
This is the official introduction:
Jade Ann Byrne × DJ Wet Cup Cake × Eat My Cake Records. One universe. No brakes.
Who Is Jade Ann Byrne in This Story?
I’m the one in the hat.
Raised on hoofbeats, hymnals, and dial-up, split between dairy barns and dim basements packed with consoles and patch cables. Horse girl, farm girl, church kid, chatroom mod, barista, bottle service, disaster response, MMO healer, cam pioneer, Paladin of lost causes — all of it walks into the booth with me.
My arsenal is simple and loyal:
A road-scarred Yamaha Pacifica that still smells like cheap venues and better nights.
A faithful Casio keyboard that’s written more 3 AM hooks than most writing camps.
A mariachi-adjacent acoustic that knows every sad joke the valley ever told.
A head tuned permanently to California s o u n d : Bakersfield steel, Riverside static, late-night dedications, border bleed, motel neon, parking lot reverb.
I write like I’m driving east of Eden with the windows down — one hand on the wheel, one hand on a bruised heart — talking to every girl who’s ever been almost loved, and every boy who never learned how to apologize without a backing track.
Who Is DJ Wet Cup Cake?
Every outlaw Paladin needs a chaos engineer.
DJ Wet Cup Cake is the producer and sonic architect of Eat My Cake Records — the one stitching:
into records that feel like speeding past a Riverside County Sheriff cruiser at golden hour: fully licensed, spiritually indicted.
She’s the one who can take a soft confession and turn it stadium-sized without losing the cigarette ash, the mascara streak, or the screenshot receipts.
When you see his name on a record, expect cinematic basslines, surgical drums, and zero apology.
What Is Eat My Cake Records?
Eat My Cake Records is our house — and our dare.
An independent label built for:
Space Country Trap
Road trip ballads with sub-bass
Neon rodeo anthems
Late-night streamer loops
Songs that live between club, chapel, truck stop, and Twitch chat
This is creator-owned armor, not a vanity stamp.
No one dilutes the story.
No one censors the farm girl turned eGirl turned label head.
No one tells California what genre she’s allowed to be.
Our job is to press play on the lives people underestimate: Cowgirls with court dates. DJs with day jobs. Girls at checkpoints reading badge numbers out loud. Kids in the Diamond Valley staring at the sky, waiting for proof they’re not crazy for dreaming past the strip mall.
The Visual: The Cosmic Rodeo Banner
The ultra-wide artwork — neon desert, synthwave grid, Jade in her hat, Wet Cup Cake in orbit — is the mission statement.
On the left, Jade Ann Byrne: space cowgirl, hat tipped, dead sure. On the right, DJ Wet Cup Cake: headphones on, laughing mid-mix, the sound engineer of your next bad decision.
Across the horizon:
EAT MY CAKE RECORDS blazing in chrome-fuchsia.
JADE ANN BYRNE × DJ WET CUP CAKE glowing beneath.
COSMIC RODEO CHRONICLES stamped like a badge of honor.
Threaded through the scene:
A tiny sheriff star constellation and a STAR NINE helicopter silhouette.
Micro neon icons along the grid: horse, guitar, cassette, palm tree, radio tower, haloed dairy cow.
Ghosted hints of Palm Springs windmills, Bakersfield oil jacks, and a Diamond Valley reflection.
Not a map. A myth. One glance and you know: This is the Eat My Cake Records universe.
What To Expect Next
From Eat My Cake Records, expect:
Double singles & A/B sides that tell both sides of the story.
Space Country Trap experiments that still hit like pop when the chorus lands.
Live streams, DJ sets, behind-the-scenes from studios, barns, rooftops, and desert pull-offs.
Collabs with artists who understand that California isn’t a genre; it’s a multiverse.
If you are:
a music supervisor hunting for something actually new,
a brand that understands grit, neon, and consent,
an artist who absolutely refuses to shrink,
then congratulations — you’ve found your bar.
Enter the Cosmic Rodeo 🎂
Listen, follow, and ride with us:
Instagram: @EatMyCakeRecords
X / Twitter: @EatMyCakeRec
YouTube: Eat My Cake Records
SoundCloud / Spotify / Apple Music: Jade Ann Byrne, DJ Wet Cup Cake
Official Hub: jadeannbyrne.egirl4rent.com/EatMyCakeRecordz/
The label is live. The horses are saddled. The lights are painfully pink.
Welcome to Eat My Cake Records — where the Paladin gets the aux cord, the sheriff gets a verse, and nobody leaves without a song stuck in their head.
“Cosmic Rodeo Chronicles” is live. 🎂 Eat My Cake Records officially unveils the universe of Jade Ann Byrne, neon cowgirl of the Diamond Valley, and DJ Wet Cup Cake, architect of the California Ocean Grown West Coast Sound. Space Country Trap, desert sunsets, checkpoints, helicopters, heartbreak — all in one cinematic label launch. 🔗 jadeannbyrne.egirl4rent.com/EatMyCakeRecordz/
I saw that “my failsona” meme and for half a second I was like,
“Yeah ok, mood.”
Chronically online? Check.
Messy sleep schedule? Check.
Some form of alphabet soup brain? Obviously.
But then I tried to draw my own version and accidentally made… a competent, unionized celestial being with great eyeliner and too many certifications. So either I did it wrong, or the bit’s over.
Spoiler: I did not correct it.
My “failsona” came out looking like this tiny overpowered chibi Paladin with a halo pinned on sideways, thigh highs, combat boots, and a to-do list that reads like a CVS receipt: contractor, water operator, clergy, camgirl, eSports gremlin, nonprofit goblin, auntie to lost girls, disaster responder, actual mom, and part-time emotional support cryptid to the entire internet.
We labeled her like the meme, but something glitched:
“Chronically iconic”
“Technically feral, legally an LLC”
“ADHD but uses it as a GPU”
“Weaponized empathy”
“Can rebuild your website, your irrigation, & your self-esteem”
“Lore too deep to reboot”
“Walks into a room → becomes main quest”
And yes, I duplicated traits. Multiple times.
On purpose and by accident.
Because that’s how I actually am.
You don’t just have “secretly excited 24/7” once.
You have it in layers: for your art, your kids, your girls, your guild, your partners, your survivors, your brands, your dumb little side quests, your next haircut, your next protest, your next casserole, your next patch notes.
Redundancy is a feature. Ask any engineer. Ask any trauma survivor. Ask any woman who had to become her own raid boss.
The internet sells you this fantasy that you’re supposed to be:
broken enough to be relatable healed enough to be marketable humble enough to be safe hot enough to be clickable
So here’s my official statement:
My failsona fails at failing.
She is tired, glitchy, overclocked, makes questionable choices with bangs, forgets to drink water, trauma info-dumps to the wrong people, trusts the unworthy, forgives too fast, rage-cleans at midnight, and over-explains everything (hi 🖐).
But she’s also:
still here. still kind. still funny. still building. still dangerous to anyone who profits off other people’s pain.
If that’s a fail, then stamp FAILSONA on my forehead like a limited edition holo foil and hang me in the gallery.
This series on Art By JadeAnnByrne.com is exactly that: screenshots of my “errors,” doodles of my supposed flaws, overlaid with the uncomfortable truth that most of these are just misnamed powers.
Stay tuned. I’m turning every red flag they pinned on me into a sticker pack.
Daavlin 3 Series PC311-48 — Jade Ann Byrne Medical Dossier
The Room, Styled Like a Vogue Tech Credit
Cabinet: Daavlin 3 Series full-body phototherapy booth with arched doors, wire safety grille, octagonal foot platform, and overhead cooling fans.
Control: “3 Series Smart Touch” PC/monitor for dosing and patient logs.
Power & safety:Square D service disconnect on the wall
Vibe: clean, matte-grey hardware against white walls—the medical equivalent of a studio cyclorama.
Device ID
Model:3 SERIES PC311-48 (Smart Touch PC controlled)
Lamps:48 total
Electrical: 208 – 240 V, ~30 Amps, 60 Hz
Listing: ETL listed to medical electrical safety standards
Mfr/date:Daavlin, Bryan, Ohio — May 2010
What “311-48” means: 311 nm narrowband-UVB configuration, 48 lamps.
The Bulbs (confirmed by the lamp etch)
Make/model:PHILIPS TL 100W/01-FS72
Type:NB-UVB ( Narrow Band Ultraviolet-B)
Spectral peak:~311 nm
Form factor: FS72/T12, 100 W each
Count:48 in this cabinet. 4800 WATTS of The Light
What It Emits (The Light)
Narrowband UV-B centered around 305 – 315 Peaking at 311 nm—the dermatology plantnium standard for whole-body treatment of photo-responsive diseases. The spectrum maximizes therapeutic effect while minimizing unnecessary erythema.
My Protocol of The Light
Frequency:Every other day for ~3 months
Shielding: UV goggles; cover tattoos and sensitive sites as directed.
Before: no perfumes/retinoids on exposed skin; disclose any new photosensitizing meds.
After: bland moisturizer, note pinkness/itch/dryness at 24 h, SPF if skin sees sun.
Today’s Dose (the math you can see)
Dose is mJ/cm² = irradiance (mW/cm²) × time (s).
Cabinet irradiance varies by calibration; clinics typically see ~4–10 mW/cm² at patient position.
Today was 28 seconds:
4 mW/cm² → 112 mJ/cm²
5 mW/cm² → 140 mJ/cm²
6 mW/cm² → 168 mJ/cm²
8 mW/cm² → 224 mJ/cm²
10 mW/cm² → 280 mJ/cm²
Fitzpatrick II assumption: many NB-UVB protocols start around ~200–300 mJ/cm² with 10–20% step-ups as tolerated.
So if this booth’s current output is ~8–10 mW/cm², 28 s sits right in the typical start window; if output is lower (5–6 mW/cm²), it’s a conservative early session.
(The clinic’s Output Certificate or Smart Touch screen will show the exact mW/cm² so we can pin the precise mJ/cm² in my log.)
Bottom line: This is my studio-clean light ritual—48 TL-01 suns arranged in a curve, timed by millisecond, logged by dose, repeated every other day until the skin forgets it ever needed saving.
