🟢🚜 “Turnstile Cowboy: CAPTCHA Country”
🎤 by Jade Ann Byrne | 🌌 Eat My Cake Records | 🎸 Space Country Trap Anthem
📀 Lyrics:
Verse 1:
They put a John Deere in my CAPTCHA, ain't that kinda wild?
Green and yellow tractor tryin' to fit through the Turnstile
Cloudflare spinnin' on my screen, it’s a digital rodeo
Clickin' on them squares like I’m wranglin' in a UFO
Chorus:
It's too wide for the gate, but it knows what I like,
Those fields of the internet, rollin' through the satellites.
Google's got my taste down, knowin' how to test my vibe,
Tractors in the CAPTCHA, space country on the drive.
Verse 2:
It’s a moonlit interstellar farm, satellites align,
Triple Starbeam in the sky, them Starlinks are mine,
They know I’m feelin' earthly, but I’m reachin' outta time,
Binaries buzzin', hayfields up in binary code,
Clouds ain't just above us, big dabs keep 'em in overload.
Chorus:
It's too wide for the gate, but it knows what I like,
Clicking squares like cowboy boots stampin' down at midnight,
John Deere's got that Smart System, algorithms ridin' free,
Space-country CAPTCHA, feels like it’s just testin' me.
Verse 3:
My fingers scrollin' to the beat, like pickin' on guitar strings,
Ridin' through the data streams, like outlaw songs in metal rings,
Cloudflare's doin' the shuffle, it’s a Turnstile full of bits,
They hit me with the tractor, must know I'm country at my wits.
Got a data farm full of John Deeres, plowin' through the clicks,
Cultivatin' the bandwidth, while the signal light blinks.
Chorus:
It’s too wide for the gate, but it’s tappin' to my style,
Cyber ranchin', late at night, with algorithms versatile.
I’m pluckin' out them tractors, uploadin' beats on Mars,
Captcha-lassoed my John Deere, now we’re dancin' with the stars.
Verse 4:
In the middle of the Turnstile, I saw the countryside swing,
Rows of code like crops laid out, and the satellites sing.
Farmin' data like hay bales, stackin' them bits up high,
Patchin' up my firewalls like fences in July.
Buzzin' on the pharmaceuticals, Staterra keeps me in line,
Clouds rollin' from the THC, I'm floatin' past the borderline.
They think they can keep me stuck in squares that shine so bright,
But I’m drivin' that Deere through the firewalls, dancin' into night.
Chorus (Final):
It’s too wide for the gate, but it knows what I like,
Ridin' shotgun with data winds, algorithmic country nights,
I’m capturin' their tractors, lettin' them know I’m wild and free,
Turnstiles can’t hold me down, I’m decryptin' my destiny.
Blog
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John Deere in My CAPTCHA (Cha Cha Real Smooth) by Jade Ann Byre (( 2024 ))
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Happy HalloQueen — a Jade Ann Byrne Reboot
Halloween is my high holy day of reinvention, so I cracked open the vault and rolled a reboot: Happy HalloQueen. It lives where arcade posters, sticker-book glam, and paladin steel kiss under a blacklight. The point isn’t cosplay; it’s claiming the stage—turning familiar shapes into my canon.
The composition is loud on purpose: thicc comic lines, brutalist bubbles, brat-green sprinkles, and a violet armor sheen that says pretty is a weapon. The background hums neon pink like a stage light—you can feel the subwoofer.
Who you’re seeing (left → right, center first)
Jade Ann Byrne // The Pumpkin Paladin Me in violet plate, jack-o-lantern helm tilted like a crown, one gauntlet up to pull the universe through. This is the moment I stop asking for permission. She/her.
Lavender Herbster // The White-Mage Druid Silk gown, moon-petal hair, hands mid-blessing. She keeps the raid alive and the crowd soft. The sweet after the smack.
Paladin Viola // Night-Wing Jadette V-cut emerald bodice, mischievous grin, bat-wings ready for dive-bomb resurrections. Chaos with manners.
Momo Hex // Trickster Simian My prankster familiar peeking from a portal, pockets full of jelly beans and bad ideas. If something explodes into confetti, it was him.
The Boo-Boo Sprites Neon ghost chorus—cute, hungry, harmless until you are unkind. They eat rudeness like popcorn.
The Batlings & Heartbits Pixel-snack familiars fluttering across the frame—little metabolism of love and trouble.
Sugar Pipes (Dream Portals) Not sewers—stage doors. They’re how performers warp between scenes. Every pipe is a promise: another entrance exists.
Why “HalloQueen”
Because October belongs to girls who build empires out of eyeliner and kindness. Because I like my pun to wear heels. And because this is a coronation—I’m crowning every working-class showgirl, gamer, and glitter-mechanic who keeps going.
Transformative Art, On Purpose
This piece is an homage and a remix—commentary, not copy. It uses new forms to talk to old memories, turning public iconography into Jade canon. It’s fair-use-minded, wholly re-illustrated, and steeped in my color language (neon pink, brat green, halo gold, mint). The Jadettes aren’t guests in someone else’s castle—we own the stage we stand on.
Credits
Art direction & universe: Jade Ann Byrne
Illustration: Jade Ann Byrne Universe (in-house)
Lore cast: The Jadettes (Lavender Herbster, Paladin Viola), Momo Hex, Boo-Boo Sprites, Batlings
Image Caption
“Happy HalloQueen” (2025) — Jade Ann Byrne Universe. The Pumpkin Paladin, Lavender Herbster, Paladin Viola, Momo Hex, Boo-Boo Sprites, Batlings, and Heartbits leap through Sugar Pipes under a neon-pink sky.
Alt text: Retro-style neon poster: center—girl in violet armor with a jack-o-lantern helmet raises a fist from a purple portal. Left—lavender-haired gown-clad mage; right—violet bat-winged Jadette. Cute ghosts, tiny bats, and a cartoon monkey familiar pop from portals. Big headline reads “HAPPY HALLOQUEEN.”
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🌿 Diamond Valley Flora — Fresh Makrut Limes & Leaves
🌿 Diamond Valley Flora — Fresh Makrut Limes & Leaves
Golden-hour rows, bumpy green jewels, and that lemongrass-lime perfume. We’re taking orders now.

🍈 Fresh makrut limes: seasonal (first-come, first-served).
🌿 Makrut lime leaves: available year-round (fresh or frozen).
How to order
- 🛒 Shop online:
/shop/makrut - 👩🍳 Chefs & wholesale:
/trade(standing orders welcome) - 📦 Local pickup / regional ship options shown at checkout
Why ours?

- ☀️ Sun-grown in Riverside County’s Diamond Valley
- 💧 Drought-smart + mulch + living groundcovers
- 🐝 Pollinator-friendly rows
- 🌱 Harvested to order for peak aroma
What you’ll smell & taste
Makrut = lime × lemongrass with a piney sparkle.

Use the leaves for curries, soups, tea; zest/peel for syrups, shrubs, bitters, marmalade.
Current availability
- 🌿 Leaves (fresh/frozen): in stock ✅
- 🍈 Fresh fruit: limited lots as trees ripen → join the list at
/shop/makrut(we notify by email/text)
Simple size & pack guide
- 🌿 Leaves: 25g • 50g • 100g (fresh or frozen)
- 🍈 Fruit: by the pound • 5-lb chef pack (seasonal)
Quick kitchen ideas
- 🫖 Leaf tea: 3–4 leaves, 5–7 min steep, honey optional
- 🍹 Leaf syrup: 1 c water + 1 c sugar, steep 10–15 leaves, strain
- 🍯 Marmalade: chunky peel + juice + sugar → sunset in a jar
- 🥂 Bitters base: dried peel + neutral spirit + coriander seed
Ready to smell sunshine?
→ Order leaves now:
/shop/makrut-leaves
→ Pre-order fresh fruit:/shop/makrut
→ Chef/wholesale:/trade(case packs, standing orders, delivery windows)Diamond Valley Flora — Riverside County, CA 🍊🌞🐝
Want matching social blurbs?
- INSTAGRAM “🍈🌿 Fresh from Diamond Valley—makrut leaves in stock and fruit dropping weekly as trees ripen. Cook, sip, and scent your whole kitchen.
- Twitter: “Makrut leaves year-round. Fruit in season. Sun-grown, pollinator-friendly. Order today: /shop/makrut 🌿🍈”
#kaffir #kaffirlime #wildlime #Combava #Kaffernlimette #Kaffirzitrone #Kaffirlimette #Limaupurut #มะกรูด #ลูกมะกูด #ใบมะกรูด #Makrut #Magrood #Makut #Magood #Baimakrut #Lukmakrut #Trúc #Chanhsác #Rutaceae #citrus #Papeda #SanJacintoCA #california #california #californiagrown pic.twitter.com/MkGKNxjjxQ
— Diamond Valley Flora (@diamondvalleyF) May 27, 2021- Facebook: “Makrut leaves year-round. Fruit in season. Sun-grown, pollinator-friendly. Order today: /shop/makrut 🌿🍈”
- YouTube @diamondvalleyflora: “Makrut leaves year-round. Fruit in season. Sun-grown, pollinator-friendly. Order today: /shop/makrut 🌿🍈”
- Reddit @diamondvalleyflora: “Makrut leaves year-round. Fruit in season. Sun-grown, pollinator-friendly. Order today: /shop/makrut 🌿🍈”
DiamondValleyFlora2025.png
byu/diamondvalleyflora inu_diamondvalleyflora- Yelp @diamondvalleyflora: “Makrut leaves year-round. Fruit in season. Sun-grown, pollinator-friendly. Order today: /shop/makrut 🌿🍈”
Read DiamondValley F.‘s review of Diamond Valley Flora on Yelp - 🛒 Shop online:
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24/7 Dispatch Call: Cracked Storefront Window Shield
When the call comes in, I don’t waste time. A shopping center manager reached out big plate-glass bay cracked, unsafe, and exposed to weather and theft. No time to order a replacement; they needed a temporary shield today.
Step 1: Assess the Damage

Rolling up on site, I checked the storefront bay. Laminated glass, spiderwebbed and sagging. Still holding, but no longer trustworthy. One solid gust of wind or a door slam could bring it down.
Step 2: Gather Materials

Before I even unpacked tools, I grabbed what I needed:
- 3/4″ plywood sheet for strength
- 2×4 lumber for framing and bracing
- Lag bolts and screws
- Hammer, drill, driver bits, saw
- Measuring tape and marker
Sometimes a shield is just a sheet screwed in but I prefer a snug, professional fit. This means making the plywood do the work, not just leaning and hoping.
Step 3: Measure & Cut
With photos for documentation, I measured the glass opening, accounting for trim, mullions, and expansion gaps. The plywood was cut to size, edges smoothed, corners squared. The 2x4s were pre-cut to fit behind the mullions on the inside this is where the magic happens.
Step 4: Inside Bracing
I positioned a 2×4 inside the bay, flush against the mullion. This interior brace is critical: when you bolt the outside plywood through to this inner board, it pulls everything tight, creating a compression clamp across the window opening. No rattles, no gaps, no flapping in the wind.
Step 5: Mount the Shield
Plywood went up outside, perfectly aligned. Pilot holes drilled straight through into the interior 2x4s. Then came lag bolts tightening until the plywood sucked tight against the frame. Each turn of the driver pulled it closer, the whole wall shoring up like it was factory-installed.
Step 6: Final Check
Edges sealed, interior bracing solid, plywood shield flush. From the sidewalk, the storefront looked secure, intentional, professionalnot slapped-together. Inside, the bracing ensured no one could simply kick or pry the board away.
Step 7: Clean & Report


I swept glass fragments, dust, and splinters. Sent photos to the property manager: before, during, and after. Another common-area hazard secured, another business kept running without interruption.
💡 Takeaway: When it comes to emergency window response, anyone can tack up plywood. But a true factotum service makes it tight, clean, and durable buying the property owner time until glass replacement can be scheduled.
Watch Jade Ann Byrne tackle real-world property maintenance and emergency repair jobs across residential and commercial spaces. From window repairs and board-ups to pressure washing, landscaping, and 24/7 dispatch calls, get a behind-the-scenes look at professional contractor work. Subscribe for tips, tutorials, and exclusive service insights.
Step into the shop with Jade Ann Byrne as she slices plywood, frames projects, and builds creations with precision tools. From Milwaukee saw cuts to detailed joinery and DIY construction, this playlist captures the craft, the grit, and the artistry of hands-on woodworking. Subscribe to learn, watch, and get inspired to build your own.










